I recently began a business relationship with Guyvorce, the only site of its kind. Intrigued by the premise, I couldn’t not be affiliated with a site dedicated to helping men get through all the aspects of divorce.
Dennis Work, the site’s manager and publisher, is a pleasure to work for. He effectively communicates his vision for the site’s future.
My First Contribution
My hands were sweating as I hit send after attaching the file to my email submission. I was telling my story, so I was a ball of nerves, weary of rejection.
My decision to tell my own story was an easy one. There was nothing like it on the site. A bit avant-garde, sure, but I felt men needed to know that there is another side to divorce. When it’s happening to you, you only see what’s in front of you. It can be difficult to picture a day when you’ll be okay.
An Easy Comparison
Having been through both cancer and the end of a marriage, I could see and feel the similarities. Both sting in a way you could not understand unless you’ve been through it and survived.
Divorce is devastating. It leaves destruction in its aftermath. My aim in creating my first contribution was to help divorced men find a way (a proverbial path) through the rubble left behind by divorce.
Pain, the Universal Constant
I was recently asked by a reader why I chose to feature pain as the universal constant. This person felt that love makes for a better example of this notion.
She’s right and wrong. Love is something we all feel at one time or another, but we’re motivated by the need to avoid pain.
Pain is the first sensation we experience as newborns. Without it, we wouldn’t know to eat. We’d starve without it. From then on, we move when in a state of discomfort, remaining stagnant when happy. We, as a species, operate to avoid pain whenever possible.
We learn very early on not to fall. Driving lessons consist of ways not to crash our cars. When lifting heavy objects, we’re told to lift with our knees and not our backs. All of this is to prevent injury, to avoid pain.
Another reader asked me if I meditate in a religious way. I thought this was a great question, one I’ll answer as simply as possible.
Sometimes I do.
I am more spiritual than religious. I’ll keep my beliefs to myself for now. But meditation is not about religion. It’s about aligning your mind with your body. It’s about translating the messages your central nervous system is sending into something the common sense areas of your brain can easily understand.
Does that make sense?
Every stress-inducing ailment you experience in a day has a common thread. There’s always something each discomfort had in common. Meditation can help you identify what that thread is. Once you can name it, you can eliminate it. As I said in the piece, it’s about having two good days. Two will become three. Three, four. Before you know it, you’ve had a great week!
Editing and Other Stuff
In addition to writing, I also recently completed my first editing assignment for Guyvorce. Author, TJ Carver is the brilliant mastermind behind, Property Division During Divorce: A New Approach – The Value Contribution Method. In his piece, Carver delivers a powerful, thought-provoking analysis of the current climate behind our country’s asset-division system used during divorce proceedings.
Not many writers can take such heavy content and wield it as effortlessly as Carver does.
Having been fortunate enough to edit his masterpiece, I found myself thinking about his method days after reading it. Finding good material that stays with you even after the project is complete is a rare find on the Internet.
The next big thing for me will be to start writing an ebook about how fathers can be better parents as single men than they were when they were married. The material is close to my heart.
I noticed long ago that some men tend to change for the better when separated from their families. These changes (when applied for the children’s best interests) can help them better connect with their kids.
Too often parents forget that their children (toddlers and teens) are people. There’s a real potential to damage them by not rearing them properly during the turmoil of divorce. My aim in writing these books (and a series to follow) is to help men gain an understanding of what their children need and want from them delivered in plain English. By arming men with the tools they need to make real changes over time, they can strengthen the bond they have with their kids.
Why Help Divorced Men?
Because they are also affected by the human condition. By helping men, I’m helping to create better fathers, husbands (some remarry), grandfathers, and individuals. I don’t claim to know it all. In fact, I know a whole lot about very little. But, what I do know, I’ve acquired through lessons I’ve learned from a life hard lived.
I’ve had it all, lost it all, and am working to rebuild. Every day I learn something new about relationships. I’ve learned more from being single and being privy to a third-party perspective.
As a feminist, I see the value in educating men. A smarter man is a better man. The same applies to women. When you know better, you do better!
Thanks for reading.